It has always been my philosophy, my belief, that life is all about actions and consequences, the decisions we make, and how we live with those decisions. And every once in a while, we face decisions that define the rest of our lives. We make a choice that changes who we become, what kind of life we will live. Those actions make us into who we are today. I have faced one such fork in my road of life, though that choice I made did not end well, I do not regret making it, it was good while it lasted, and in the end I believe it made me a better person. And today, I again find myself at such a point in life, something that will most definitely change the rest of my life. Right now I am in an aeroplane, on my way to Kuala Lampur, Malaysia. At the moment we have made a pit stop at the Sri Lankan airport, and to my great pleasure, they have FREE WIFI, so I will try my best to wrap this up before the plane takes off.
This day has been in the making for quite some time now, and I have been telling everyone, that I am happy to leave, and that I won’t really miss a thing from home, and that really was how I felt, WAS been the key word there. A lot of my friends, especially Areej tried to convince me that I would in fact be missing Maldives, but I really didn’t see it that way. And that was how it was as months turned into weeks, and weeks into days until finally it was 48 hrs for me to leave. On that day before my departure, I got up as usual, not really feeling any sadness or anything, but that morning as I was in a taxi listening to some songs, the random shuffler on my iphone, brought up the song that pulled me into reality. Avenged Sevenfold’s I Won’t see you tonight Part 1. It’s not really a song about leaving like this, it’s really a song about suicide, but when the song was over, it was as if everything had crashed down on me. I was leaving, and I wouldn’t be back for a really long time. Then everything I saw, reminded me of something, of some distant memory, of a strange reality that I wouldn’t see those places and those faces for a long time.
It’s not really about family, family has been there my entire life, and I am sure they will still be the same even when I come back, it’s more about friends, and how they will change in my absence. It’s about the uncertainty of it all, about the friends, and possible lovers, about leaving them all. It’s about what could have been. About what I may be missing by leaving.
As the ferry took off from Male’ I looked at two of my closest friends who had come to see me off, looking at that knowing that I would not meet them again in person for a very long time. They smiled and waved, so did I, but my heart was filled with grief. And as the ferry started off towards the airport I looked at the buildings, each one a reminder, I looked at the building housing the Hulhumale’ ferry terminal, reminding me of my class reunion at Sea House, and the breakfast during Ramadan, and the recent diner I had at Ocean Breeze. I looked at the building that previously housed the Nasandhra Palace hotel, which had welcomed me for countless parties.
Arriving at the last moment at the airport, I was soon in the plane, ready for take-off. And as the world around me soon started moving as the plane started for its ascend, the sadness I felt, was almost as great as climax that resulted from the last life changing choice I made.
Today was a day I had been looking forward to so many years, it was a dream come true, a start of a new life, but yet, it was not like what I imagined. I never thought it would feel so sad to leave Maldives, because Malaysia, as far as I heard, was a much better place. And right now sitting here in my hotel room, completing this post, I know why. No matter how good this place is, it isn’t home. Who is going to call me about every interesting that happens now? Who will I call when I get bored? Who will call to talk about the latest series? Who will I hang with that I can relate to, and who really know me? I think I will even remember and cherish those most irritating days at work.
The beginning of this year left me shattered and broken, and it took me all I had to fight through that. And it was because of my most dear friends that I grew stronger through it. Without them I would probably still be sulking around in my room. Thank you all so much for that. It took a while, but life was finally picking up in Maldives, I had good friends, a good amount of cash (although yes, if I had stayed in Male’ I would have changed jobs), and maybe even a girl I was starting to like very much after quite sometimes. As I said, it’s all about what could have been, what would have all those things become if I had stayed? And will they all still be there when I come back? Will I be forgotten? Maybe even replaced? I know that my closest friends will welcome me with open arms when I come back, but things change, stuff happen. I will be hanging with them, and they will be talking about stuff I know nothing about because I was not there.
I all ready miss you all very much, (probably even more once my parents leave) playing video games, dining at restaurants, hanging out, throwing parties that really didn’t hit it off (well at least I met someone interesting there). Every little thing, both the good and the bad. And even though I won’t see you tonight, I will NEVER forget you all.
Thank you for everything.
